Try to control everything, you actually control nothing!

Do you know one of the hardest parts about community leadership that nobody warns you about?

The day you realize that controlling everything actually controls nothing…. but you're still on the hook for results.

On the Leader’s Lens Podcast, I have created a segment called “Office Hours” where I chat with leaders about their professional and personal journey through the items in their office.

My conversation with Kyle Dickinson, the Executive Director of the Salem Leadership Foundation, reminded me why being a community leader can be both the hardest and most important work we do.

If you're responsible for outcomes but can't control all the variables, this one's for you.

1. Stop Fixing Everything. Start Coaching.

The more you try to control how people do their work, the less ownership they take in the results. I learned this the hard way when I formally took on my leadership role 12 years ago.

I think part of it was ego… another part of it was fear.

I used to think good leadership meant having all the answers. If someone came to me with a problem, I'd solve it. Fast. Efficient. Done.

The work Kyle does with bringing community leaders together highlights that when you're always the one with the solution, those you are impacting never develops their own problem-solving muscle.

Translating that to middle management, that shift could look like:
• Instead of "Here's what you need to do" → "What options are you considering?"
• Instead of "Let me handle that" → "What's one approach you might try?"
• Instead of "This is how we do it" → "What does success look like to you?"

Would some say that’s lowering standards? Maybe. But what if this tactic helps raise the capacity of others to execute at a high level?

The question I ask myself now: Where am I solving problems that my team should be learning to solve?

2. Empathy Isn't Soft. It's Smart Leadership

Another reframe from chatting with Kyle is that empathy doesn't mean lowering expectations. It means understanding that the person sitting across from you is carrying more than just work stress.

Everybody is living life. We all have a lot going on in our day to day.

I shared a bit about this on my social media a while back. When you lead with empathy, you're not making excuses for poor performance. You're creating the psychological safety that actually improves performance and employee retention.

Here's what this looks like practically:
• "Tell me what's going on" before "Here's what you need to fix"
• "What support do you need?" alongside "Here's what I expect"
• "How can we work together on this?" instead of "Figure it out"

The leaders who build trust during tough times are the ones who can hold both high standards and genuine care at the same time.

3. Focus on What You Can Actually Control

The both of us agreed that there’s only so much we can control. Kyle expressed his concerns with the economic uncertainty within the United States right now.

Sometimes, the weight of that concern would drive anyone to lose hope.

But the immediate next thought should be what impact can you create within our control.

As I think about our role as middle managers, we do carry weight for things we can't control:

• Executive decisions that impact our teams

• Budget cuts we didn't make

• Organizational changes we're hearing about secondhand

That anxiety is real and it's not always productive.

But like I shared in a previous issue, momentum comes from focusing on the short bridges; you can actually influence change this week.

Ask yourself:
• What conversation can I have today that moves things forward?
• What decision is actually in my lane?
• What can I do to support my team right now?

You can't control everything, but you can control your response to everything.

Try This This Week

Pick one:

Coach Instead of Fix: Next time someone brings you a problem, pause. Ask: "What's one way you think we could approach this?" Let them think through it first.

Lead with Context: When giving feedback or setting expectations, add: "Here's why this matters right now." Context turns compliance into commitment.

Identify Your Short Bridge: Write down one thing completely within your control this week. One conversation. One decision. One process improvement. Then do it.

Leading from the middle isn't about having all the answers.

We can show up with the right posture, be present when things get messy and take the right next step (even if you can’t see the whole staircase).

Your team doesn't need you to be perfect. They need you to be consistent, empathetic, and focused on what actually matters.

Question for you: Which of these three (coaching, empathy, or focus) do you most need to practice differently this week?

Drop a comment and let me know. We're all figuring this out together.

In your corner!

Ray

PS. Listen to the full episode here and let me know what insights you drew from Kyle’s leadership journey!